These past few days have felt like a weird nightmare that we’re all hoping to wake up from. My thoughts are all over the place, but I’m going to try to sum them up.
It hurts to know that a man held as a hero, someone I admired, looked up to, and regarded as a symbol of the best things in my life was involved in something so despicable. It hurts that members of a program I believed in, cheered for, and represent proudly held on to this secret. I am trying to remember that this isn’t all about me, or my school, or even the Coach. It’s about those poor boys who had something unspeakable done and were scarred for life. I hope they all find peace. But I feel unnaturally defensive and upset and confused. I don’t know how to react or what to say. Everyone is entitled to his or her opinion, but I’d appreciate a little respect and compassion for the shock that we’re all going through.
A proud alum of Penn State, I am heartbroken to see this mess surround my school. I am also heartbroken to know that a few weeks ago was the last time JoePa would take the field, unknowingly. I wanted him to go out with glory, with pride, with balloons and streamers and champagne. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. There isn’t a thing to blame except what happened and how all parties behaved.
We’ll still be a school, we’ll still have pride, and we’ll still continue to play good football, but the sidelines will forever feel a little empty without Joe’s rolled up pants and thick glasses. Especially having it all end like this.
Having moved around a lot as a kid, I never really held on to a group of friends the way everyone else seemed to. I was happy, and social, but every 4 years or so, my surroundings changed and I had to start over. Penn State became my home. It’s the only place I feel exactly like who I should be. It’s no different than your hometown coming under attack. It’s a big small town, a community, a family. It brought me my best friends, a relationship I could never have imagined, a family bond, and a wonderful education that has lead to career success. This place exists in every part of my life. Now it’s tarnished, and I’m having trouble processing.
I am upset with the allegations surrounding the scandal, and I truly believe that Joe is sorry for whatever actions he did not take. But remorse doesn’t help the victims or help to prosecute the criminals, and we all need to keep the real story in mind. It is a tragedy that has changed many lives for the worse, and we as students, alumni, and fans, need to respect the victims and fight against this kind of violence and inhumane behavior.
I am also upset at the behavior of the students on campus who rioted last night in the streets, destroying property and hurting the name further. At my first football pep rally, 5+ years ago, Joe urged us all not to boo the other team. “JoePa says don’t boo” became a mantra for my best friend and I at every game we attended, as I’m sure it was for many other students. “Booing” the other team last night was not what we’re about. Though I know I wouldn’t have participated had I still been a student, I understand that outburst and confusion was the only emotion many could feel last night. I sat on my bed and saw the news flash across the TV, and I choked up and cried. I imagined Joe… and I just couldn’t stop.
I didn’t cry because my football team lost it’s coach, per se. I certainly didn’t cry because we might not win without him. I cried for him as a person, and for all of the other people’s lives that are ruined from one, horrible man. I cried because Joe, who was the head of this family, had to be involved. I cried because there was nothing I could say to sum up what it feels like to watch an institution that has played an extremely significant role in my life fail to protect the lives of others, of children. I cried because there is nothing anyone can do to fix this. And I cried for all of the people that don’t understand how a place, a few people that I have never personally met, and a name on my diploma could affect me this much.
I don’t know what to think about the Board’s decision to fire him on the spot, over the phone. I’m outraged, distraught, but a part of me understands. It’s too much to process, too big of an ordeal to be able to grasp in its entirety for me.
The quote on the wall behind Joe’s statue at the stadium reads this:
“They ask me what I’d like written about me when I’m gone. I hope they write that I made Penn State a better place, not just that I was a good football coach.”
He did make the place better; he was more than a coach; and this shouldn’t be about him, but it is.
My concluding thoughts on the whole thing are this: WE, the tens of thousands of students and alumni who are “swelling thy fame,” are going to have to keep making Penn State the “better place” he wanted it to be.
We sing our alma mater before every home football game and after we’re given our diplomas. I consider it a pledge to the University that has given us so much, and one I intend to uphold:
“May no act of ours bring shame to one heart that loves thy name. May our lives, but swell thy fame, dear old State, dear old State.”
For the glory.
. i think i’ll go to bed now.
